Alchemy

In a moment of fuzzy logic intervention, I realized that a lot of factors in my life are convening around an old, antiquated notion of alchemy. This all happened as it dawned on me that my name is 'Goldman', that I'm studying chemistry at the university, and that I've been long pondering the notion of transformation (the productive inward sort.)

Alchemy, if you haven't already heard, is a practice of trying to create gold. That is the common understanding at least. With popular fiction writers such as Dan Brown, the idea that such a transformation could be less about vast riches and more realistically about a mystical process, has entered into mainstream wisdom. I cracked out on 'The Lost Symbol' at least. It was a real page turner.

So, the idea of enlightenment as gold, and the transformation from an ignorant state to one of seeing is the act of mystical alchemy. I've been toying with the idea of the crucifiction as such a transformation as well, but that's something entirely different and for another time. I will briefly mention that I've been asking believers for years what it means that "Christ died for my sins". The best explanation that I have come up with is one that I made up myself!

Additionally, I am pretty hardcore about how I approach a life in music. I am certainly not one to shy away from a lifestyle that doesn't produce financial gain and is largely an up-hill battle in every sense (but possesses the characteristics of illumination through the creation and performance of music). Music is the final piece of the puzzle for me. In short, the life of the alchemist is identical to that of a "struggling" musician insofar as a musician pursues gold in this day-and-age with little certainty that gold will ever be produced. It dawned on me that many of the alchemists of days long passed likely pondered the futility of their own work, but moved forth none-the-less.

I have always fought against the grain, and can't help it. Like my brief attempt at learning the language of Irish (one believed to be dead), I tend to pursue with passion activities that hold little value in the modern world. People keep asking me what I intend to do with Chemistry and to be honest, I really don't know. I don't know what the world will look like when I am done with my degree, I'm not even exactly sure what chemists of this day and age do with their time.

I am also well into my first year of Biology. As someone who has been long searching for some sort of spiritual structure, Biology has provided for me just that. It is quite literally the study of life. Often times when I hear people talking about life, and I hear the word uttered out loud, I get a tingling feeling that is positive. The word 'life' invokes emotion in me. Even just hearing people say that they need to 'get a life' excites me. Why is this? Well, this word that we use so frequently packs a whole lot of intensity within itself and it resonates with me. Perhaps I am at that end of the spectrum where life is the utmost in divinity. We watched a documentary about gangbangers in LA the other day and one of the interviewees said that the first step in joining the gang was to lose any value that you may have for life. This is the spectrum that I speak of and I mean to exist in it only at the other end, where life is spiritually divine. I will never understand why Christianity often requires that its flock reject science in favor of faith. Totally misguided.

Turning lead into gold is totally different than trying to polish a turd.

That being said, I have the day off today... band practice later. I think I will try and write some more hit songs that no one will ever hear. I will try to transform a blank sheet of paper into a new song that allows itself to be performed and allows a heightened conversation between performer and listener. I will try and balance literal meaning and poetic allegory and guild the whole thing with rock 'n roll escapism in the divine, unspeakable name of FUN. I'll let you know how it all turns out, believe me.

adam

Break

Wow, It's winter break. It's only a break if you're in school or something. Right now, I'm in school. I don't post on here much, sorry. Additionally, I don't tell anybody about this blog so it just sits out there in cyberland. I just scooped out some mold in my plant. I don't want this blog to get moldy.

So, yes, If you're reading this it's probably because you typed in "secede from the union" into your browser. Well, sorry. If you're trying to stage a white-supremacist revolution or have finally discovered what ever sane person should already know, that politics is rotten to the core, then you might be here looking for some secessionist ideas already in place. I've only been really successful at seceding from reality so if you want advice about that, I'm your man.

Anyhow, it's breaktime for bonzo. I went unemployed for some time and sort-of lost any sense of myself in the workforce. As a result, this epiphany came to me one day and it was like an answer to some prayer I may have once made. The epiphany was actually a person that once lived on this earth, and it was through his teachings that I discovered something that I wasn't aware that I actually liked: Science. The man was Carl Sagan. I started reading some of his books because I wanted to see if he was an atheist. Now, I'm not much into anything in particular but I must say that I feel personally not in touch with atheism. It's cool if you are, really. I personally don't care for it. I am curious though as to what Theism is all about though. I thought Carl Sagan would have the answers. I believe that the answers I found in his writings were sort of written between the lines of the text. It was his passion and poetic outlook on the universe that I believe was indeed devotional and possibly religious/spiritual. I tend to acknowledge that certain people's passions can be so intense that they almost enter into a divine relationship with whatever it is that they are passionate about. With me, it's music. I keep thinking about it. Sometimes I wish it would just go away. In fact, that is what my vacation is all about. I wish to finally catch up with all my unfinished projects (many of which are music-related) and hopefully that part of my life can be way ahead of itself. I feel that my passion for this subject matter makes me ineligible for any sort of atheism. You might say I'm being too liberal with the term and I would agree. I tend to be a little flexible with certain terminology as I believe myself to be something of a post-modernist. In fact, my mentioning of post-modernism in this context is likely a liberal application of the idea. I once found myself in the middle of a debate about the definition of post-modernism and it was suggested that perhaps I was using the term a bit recklessly. Well, I just believe that we are in the equation as opposed to being somehow outside of it looking in. We are a component of our observations and calculations. If something sucks, it is because we perceive it as sucking. When reading books or the news, our perception, our participation matters. Our filtration system matters. The sanctity of meaning is suspect. I also consider myself an "impressionist" for similar reasons. In a mystical sense, it is often difficult to get to the heart of a matter so one is often left with an impression. An impression describes one's relative magnitude to some elusive truth.

Anyhow, I gave up philosophy a long time ago. I just wanted to mention that I am officially on break. Yesterday I recorded an entire song called "Riverbound". This song is part of a new series of emotional songs. I have spent a lot of time avoiding emotional songs, unless of course, we are talking about anger and/or confusion. Is confusion an emotion? It better be. Right now, I have a few of these songs in the works. They were, at first, difficult to conceive of doing but then they sort of forced their way out. There is another song called "First Love" that I wrote on one of my solo camping outings this summer. I've never done anything like that before and the writing experience was a complete and total exorcism. Right now I'm considering throwing a little vocal harmony on "Riverbound" and calling it good.

Right now it is time for a quick hike to the gorge. Portland is only a quick few miles away from the Columbia Gorge and gorge is the prefix for gorgeous, which it most definitely is.